In august I did something very brave and even a little risky as my parents were against the idea. But, I went through with it and I cannot be more happy with how it turned out. And this mysterious experience was getting the outline of Silverstone tattooed on my arm.
This was a big decision for me. I knew 2 years ago I wanted a motorsport related tattoo. It took me that long to decide what exactly I wanted! I knew that whatever I had inked on my body would be with me forever, that when I would see it I would think of the connection it had to me. The idea of Silverstone didn't happen until July, and when I thought about it, I knew it was exactly what I wanted. Silverstone is a track I've been to in the past for BTCC but in July, it was where I saw my first ever F1 race live. That day will live on as being one of the best days of my entire life. I was so happy the whole time, watching some of my favourite drivers race in GP3, GP2 and F1. That's what made me think 'yep, Silverstone is the one'. I knew whenever I saw Silverstone, I would think of all the times I've been there and how extremely happy I was. I never felt more me. I was in my F1 top with my Ferrari hat, watching the thing I love most in this world.
Now, it's time to dig a bit deeper into why exactly I wanted a motorsport related tattoo. I have suffered and continue to suffer with anxiety and depression for over 3 years now. There have been really low times and times where I am coping well. But the one thing that has always got me through it has been my love for motorsport, especially F1. It gives me something to look forward to and I love throwing myself into a race weekend. It has really helped me deal with things and this tattoo would remind myself of why I keep fighting, why I don't give up. Since having the tattoo I have had bad days and breakdowns but I see the tattoo and I remind myself that while battling what I am, I have been 100% happy and 100% myself. Motorsport is a part of me and always will be, the memories I have will always be with me and I thank my lucky stars I have been able to go to a F1 race and also watch other categories. Motorsport gives me strength and I would notice that on weeks with no race or winter I would get a bit worse. But now, I always have that reminder in the form of the tattoo which I see lots of times everyday. I do look at it and smile and laugh and it does put me in a better mood. It is doing exactly what it was suppose to do.
Any one of my friends who knew me, knew I loved my motorsport and I had so many compliments from people on it. I think my favourite one was when someone said 'oh my god, your tattoo is so unique and its so you!' That meant the world to me. It made me believe even more that I chose the right design. It means so much to me. I can't really put it into words but it makes me feel so happy inside. Maybe its the idea of people realising that my life revolves around motorsport and it is a part of me and they are accepting and supporting me in my passion in life. The response was more than I could have ever hoped for and that does make the tattoo that even bit more special.
The tattoo itself didn't take long, the only pain I had was when I was having it done. After I had no pain what so ever. I put cream on it for about a week and had it covered for 24 hours after I had it done and while it was healing. It took about 30 minutes for me. I will admit to it being that long because I needed to take a break half way through because my anxiety was through the roof. It was painful and I was scared but after I was so relieved and so happy with my decision.
The first imagine above is me half in pain but smiling through it because I did something for me and because it was what I wanted. The second is what it looked like after all wrapped up. To this day I am in love with it and I always will be. I never wanted a tattoo when I was younger but this one seemed so right and so worth it. It was the right call to make. I have thought about another motorsport related tattoo but we will see, all in good time. For now, I am thrilled with it and I feel a sense of relief that I am being more open and honest about how much motorsport means to me. To me, it is part of my DNA.
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